Gnomeo & Juliet - Online Review

'Jason Statham and Ozzy Ozbourne seem game, Michael Caine does not, Jim Cummings, a veteran of this sort of thing, shows everyone how its meant to be done and, therefore, makes them all look a whole lot worse'

As a high-concept idea for a kid's animated adventure 'Romeo And Juliet with garden gnomes' would be pretty impressive, if that was indeed the high concept behind Kelly Asbury's Gnomeo & Juliet. As it is, the high concept behind the film is actually 'Elton John music with animation', which, though not unpleasant for the entirety of the film's runtime, is more openly capitalist and deceptively marketed than any film - particularly one pertaining to be aimed at the young - should care to be.

With this being the film's thinly-conceived aim (John is an executive producer, partner David Furnish has a full producer credit) the only surprise, given the film's main players, is that at no point do we get a Tiny Dancer rendition. Everything else is here. One gnome even takes time out to get dressed up like John, sparkly star shades and all. That a story as simple as this has nine separate screenwriting or story credits perhaps hints at how much manual lifting has gone on to cram in every reference possible around the original story of forbidden love.

When the story does threaten to break out, there's the kind of laughs every animation is obligated to bring and not a whole lot more besides. Jason Statham and Ozzy Ozbourne seem game, Michael Caine does not, Jim Cummings, a veteran of this sort of thing, shows everyone how its meant to be done and, therefore, makes them all look a whole lot worse. Musician cameos are thankfully limited to Ozbourne and Dolly Parton, whose country-and-westernified gnome deserves to be buried with a trowel in the part of the garden usually reserved for hitherto departed household pets.

The two 'high' points are Mankini Gnome (Julio Bonet), who gets some solid laughs and this film's version of Despicable Me's minions, which every animation seems to have cottoned on to now as the comedy gold they clearly are. Everything else, from the unoriginal lawnmower racing to the needless guff about online shopping, can stay down at the bottom of the garden, amongst the... well, you know the tune, or otherwise can certainly create something fitting of your own.

Gnomeo & Juliet is currently available to watch on Lovefilm's Watch Online service.

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'as you’d expect, garden-based punnery takes precedence over scholarly fidelity to the Bard' - Kinnemaniac