The Expendables - Blu-ray Review

'as a director, Stallone just doesn't have the necessary technical skills to pull off a good film'

Whilst not the most important facet of The Expendables, its worth noting right from the off that Sylvester Stallone's poor excuse to get his pecs out again features two of the best character names of recent times. Sadly, they're both obscured during the film by mumbled dialogue but a quick visit to IMDb will reveal that Terry Crews plays a character called Hale Ceasar and that Randy Couture's on-screen moniker is Toll Road. Just genius.

Away from inventive names, the script by Stallone and Dave Callaham doesn't have a whole lot to offer. There's some nice one-liners but more often that not the ideas in Callaham's story, about a group of ageing mercenaries called in to do a job on the fictional island of Vilena, prove to be neither big nor clever.

But then again, if you're putting a film into your disc drive starring Stallone, Statham, Li and Lundgren, you're probably not here to watch philosophical musings on time and space. What you are here to watch is guns and action and plenty of it. In that area, The Expendables delivers... kind of. The problems with the film are really all down to Stallone. As an actor his normally weak areas are still present (unintelligible dialogue, constantly blank facial expressions) but as a director, Stallone just doesn't have the necessary technical skills to pull off a good film. Cinematographer Jeffrey Kimball doesn't help (almost every scene is poorly lit) but even without his negative contribution, Stallone just can't seem to frame scenes in a way that makes them watchable. His final shot, consisting of the back of three people's heads, is testament to that fact.

On the plus side, Jason Statham is well cast as Stallone's second-in-command and, despite some of his on-screen time being wasted in an unnecessary side plot involving Charisma Carpenter, the two leads share a likable chemistry which continues to develop throughout. Eric Roberts chews scenery better than anyone here and is great as the dastardly villain. Mickey Rourke, as the group's handler, is also a welcome presence and one scene requiring him to emote more than is typical in this sort of thing is spoiled only by - you guessed it - Stallone's mumbled responses.

This though is the type of film where for every good there's at least two 'bads'. Jet Li is anonymous. Dolph Lundgren is beyond awful and has a horrible conclusion. Wrestler Stone Cold Steve Austin and mixed martial artist Couture are pandered to with fight choreography straight from the ring. It should be two hours of pleasant reminiscing, a winking throwback to eighties stupidity, but too often it forgets the fun and the nostalgia, shooting for - and hitting - only the stupidity.

Look further...

'Things that are expendable here: plot, dialogue, taste, well-filmed stuntwork, and any 1980s action star who isn’t also directing' - Kinnema.com