Whiteout - Blu-ray Review

'it says something when your IMDb quote page only displays three 'memorable quotes', one of which is, 'You crazy bitch!''

When a film has become known and talked about because of one particular scene you know you're in trouble. More so perhaps when that scene really has absolutely nothing to do with the film and, a cynical chap might suggest, was only included in the first place to get tongues wagging. In the not-too-distant future then, don't be surprised if Whiteout is only remembered as 'the film with Kate Beckinsale in the shower'.

Type 'Whiteout Kate Beckinsale' into Google, then put a space. See that. There are over 27 million results for that search term with 'shower scene' tacked on to the end of it. Yes ladies and gentlemen I can confirm that there are some very frustrated people out there. None of them however, reside in Antarctica where Beckinsale's impossibly svelte and shower-friendly U.S. Marshall is charged with keeping a group of generic boffins safe from the minor dangers of drink-driving a snowmobile. That is, of course, until a body shows up. And another one. And... well you get the (snow)drift. As the plot thickens to involve the mysterious cargo of a 1950's Russian plane, Beckinsale's Carrie Stetko realises all is not as it seems and that she cannot trust anyone.

As the above clunky and cliche-ridden synopsis might suggest, Whiteout is a bit rubbish and entirely predictable. Stock characters (the nice friendly pilot, the mysterious NATO investigator, the old doctor) show up and are clumsily hinted at as being the murderer, director Dominic Sena showing all the tact and delicacy present in previous efforts Gone In 60 Seconds and Swordfish. To be fair, he's not aided by a clunky script, messily adapted from the graphic novel source material. Characters spout lines such as 'Doc. This man was... murdered' and draw out crucial revelations such as 'he's gone!' to the n'th degree. It says something when your IMDb quote page only displays three 'memorable quotes', one of which is, 'You crazy bitch!'. Oh yes, that is as good as it gets.

That isn't to say that Whiteout is entirely without merit. It wisely keeps its run time to a tight, but not rushed, one hundred and one minutes and once it makes it through its own setup there are some nice slasher-movie-like moments of the generic scary man hunting people down with a pointy object. The tension in some scenes can be felt and it isn't without moments of interest and visual beauty, if not quite splendour.

Really though, if you're relying on returning to long established serial killer archetypes to make your movie interesting then there's something significantly wrong. Beckinsale does her best but there's not enough focus on any of the surrounding characters to make them worth your time, rendering the apparently emotional conclusion stunted and unsatisfying. You know what you're going to get from Whiteout and the generic excuse is that it's easy watching for a Friday night. Really though, if that is all you're after then there are significantly more entertaining entries than this available.

Look further...

'we are at a scientific research facility in Antarctica, which is established via one of the five greatest title cards in cinematic history. It says (I'm not making this up): Antarctica, the coldest, most isolated land mass on the planet. (Ah, so that's what Antarctica is! "Whiteout" is not just a "thriller" but an educational tool!)' - Cinema Romantico